don't get any on you

VIDEO: This guy Chris Bliss can put on quite a show. Here's a clip of him that is amazing for the concentration level alone.
Thanks to Jack

PHOTO: Remember that movie about the Jamaican bobsled team? Well the good folks from Brazil have their own version.

Here are the results of my participation in a secret burping contest in Maine.

So I've decided to move to Canada...

VIDEO: Korean epilepsy with a beat you can dance to. Some of these moves are pretty amazing.

In case you're in need of some warm fuzzies (and you're all out of pain pills), read this story.

This story is all over the news here in So Cal. Some docs have been asked to preside over an execution, but they left at the last minute due to ethical concerns. I suppose the fact that the guy raped and murdered a young girl didn't play in their minds, let alone 9 month partial-birth abortion qualms.

VIDEO: Buddy Rich VS Animal (from The Muppets (though I thought he was blue)). This video is really entertaining. A MUST SEE!

Sean Connery is the definition of cool as James Bond. The others were at least watchable. The new guy, however, is making a stir as the worst possible Bond. check out this site for more info. The BBC is covering the outrage for pity's sake, love.

Now Bush is claiming he knew nothing of what some are calling "port-gate" untill after it was approved. See post a few down. This is a scary thing.

This my first experience with Capital Blue, an online mag critical of the Bush administration. This article, however is too juicy to ignore. Cheney may have been drunk on that famous day when he shot his good buddy in the face. Read on.

It's better to burn out than to fade away. I guess it is good to die doing what you love...

"Hey Igor, what should we do today?" "Hey Slav, let's get a pig drunk and shoot him into space."

The "stolen" cardinals from that big highway billboard aren't so stolen after all. Enter lame publicity stunt.

My guess is that the four women were pleading for these two guys to get off of each other. Yuck!

This might be the scariest story you've never heard of. It's also another reason why I listen to Michael Savage. These are US ports for Christ's sake.

VIDEO: Every day I post I think I've seen everything. But never this kind of figure skating. She's actually pretty good. Very NSFW

One of the worst accidents caused by cell phone distraction. Look for the phrase, "still clutching a cell phone."

NEWSFLASH: Cheney strikes again! OUCH!

Finally, a story that combines my academic history with my recreational history.

The further adventures of monkey boy. He can rock the guitar now. This is a crazy story, but how much faith can you have in the Sunday Monitor News of Uganda?

I've googled the famous Mohammed cartoon from Denmark several times and couldn't get an image. Here's the next best thing. It's the Mohammed Dance. Make sure you check out the Hampster Dance at the bottom. These hampsters were featured in an ad about obnoxious web sites years ago. Enjoy. And death to all prophets.

Kurdt Cobain's PJs are on sale over at ebay. The seller claims to be able to verify authenticity, but who knows. Got $10,000 laying around?

The question is am I a loser for thinking this is a cool idea. It sounds like a blast.

Update: Cheney will give an interview this afternoon on Fox news, breaking his silence about shooting a 78 year old lawyer "friend" in the face and chest with his shotgun during a hunting trip. The victim was doing well, all things considered, but has just suffered a heart attack from a shot gun pellet that was in his chest and traveled to his heart.

Good Lord, say it ain't so, Willie. Say it ain't so.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY! (grumble) For this special occasion, take a look at the amazing history "behind" the shape of the heart shape ubiquitously invoked around the world. Discovery Channel fails to disappoint, yet again.

News from St. Louis: A 26 year old St. Charles woman who has been HIV positive for years is out sleeping with anyone she can find. Don't think that Valentine's Day hook up is all luck and no risk.

Former "mob wife" threatens suit against The Sopranos for copying her story. She said her husband had ducks in their pool too, and that her husband also loved The Godfather movies. Ugh.

Yes, I'm an internet loser with a blog and a myspace. This page is me for no good reason. This page is my band, for every good reason. Try it, unless you can re-dedicate yourself to the art of letters.

This just in... Dick Cheney has shot a man in the face. I repeat, Cheney --> = FACE!

PHOTO: This is one of the nastier things you might find on this site. If you know this page, then you won't click here. If you don't know this page, RUN. NSFW.

PHOTO: The faces of meth. Drugs aren't the end of the world every time. Just this time.

Read the first two paragraphs of this Grammy wrap-up. I didn't know you could get a Grammy for that.

This short list of odd guitar designs has a few interesting ones, including the sliding-pick-up bass and hubcap resonator.

Let's pretend for a moment that we're all smart and eager to learn. This site has a vast database of the steps involved in the creation of products you use everyday. It sounds dull but it's not. That can you're using to drink your beer didn't just fall out of the sky.

The rest of the day was going to be focused mostly on one subject (see below) but this had to be posted. READ IT.

Today's focus, children, is on the great Jack Handey. It's been done, and it's an easy way to entertain but the lines are too good and I'm a lazy guy. Here is a great little bit on the man behind these gems. Note that it mentions Kurt Cobain quoting Handey in "I Hate Myself and Want to Die". Enjoy

The Deep Thoughts not by Jack Handey

If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you call the guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say. "That's dynamite, baby."

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

I guess we were all guilty, in a way. We all shot him, we all skinned him, and we all got a complimentary bumper sticker that said, "I helped skin Bob."

We tend to scoff at the beliefs of the ancients. But we can't scoff at them personally, to their faces, and this is what annoys me.

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.

You know what would make a good story? Something about a clown who make people happy, but inside he's real sad. Also, he has severe diarrhea.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see.

Laurie got offended that I used the word "puke." But to me, that's what her dinner tasted like.

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was, and how I named him Flint.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you go swimming underwater until you find a mommy duck and her babies, and you join them. Then, all of a sudden, you stand up out of the water and roar like Godzilla. Man, those ducks really take off! Also, Baby Duck Hat is good for parties.

If you're a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, "Boy, these are good cigars!"

I wouldn't be surprised if someday some fishermen caught a big shark and cut it open, and there inside was a whole person. Then they cut the person open, and in him is a little baby shark. And in the baby shark there isn't a person, because it would be too small. But there's a little doll or something, like a Johnny Combat little toy guy---something like that

You may have already heard about the sorriest story of the week. Columbian drug runners enlist puppies. This is truely sick. Most of the little guys survive. I won't be upset if the judge gives these people two day sentences 'casuse that's all the time it will take for them to be murdered in the shower.

Oh no, Mr. President... no take backs!

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